15 Traits of “Fir’awnic Women”
By Imam Na’eem Abdullah
All Praises are due to Allah – Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon our master (sayyidina) Muhammad and also upon his family, his companions, his wives (azwaajihi) and his descendents (dhurriyyaathi) with great peace, Ameen.
As to what follows: we have named this discourse, “Tanbeehus-Saahib ‘ala Ikhtiyaari z-Zawjatu s-Saalihah”, which means “The Advice to the Companion Regarding Choosing a Righteous Wife.” It is named in imitation of one of the works of the illustrious son of Shehu ‘Uthman Dan Fodiyo – Sultan Muhammad Bello. He wrote a book named “Tanbeehu s-Saahib ‘Ala Ahkaam il-Makaasib”, which means “The Advice to the Companion regarding the Legal Rulings of Earning a Living.” It will be of benefit to all who read it inshaa’Allah and Success is with Allah!
This writing was initially motivated by some questions posed to me by one of my brothers who are serious about his Islam and the work which is upon our shoulders in the community. After some thought, it occurred to me that a few brothers have sought my advice on this subject, so it is with them in mind that I composed this.
What you will read below is the result of my studies, my personal successes, and my personal mistakes in the area of marriage. To put it another way, it is some of my “book knowledge” combined with my experiential knowledge.
Instead of composing a list of what to look for in a wife, I have composed a list of common attributes which should be avoided when seeking a wife in the American landscape. This list could have easily been called “15 Traits of Ratchetness/Wretchedness”, but I have opted to use verbiage which is rooted in the Qur’anic narrative of the important story of Musa (may Allah grant him peace). If the reader is not familiar with the story of Musa and the role of women during his time then some of the subtle points herein will be missed.
During the time of Musa, Fir’awn (Pharaoh) issued the order to kill the boys of Bani Israel (the Children of Israel) and to let the women live. In the beginning of this genocidal order, the soldiers of Fir’awn would confiscate the newborn boys and execute them. However after some time, Fir’awn developed a troop of wet-nurse from among Bani Israel who would do the job of the soldiers and kill the boys themselves immediately after birth. This is merely one example of how the women from the oppressed group (Bani Israel) were used by the oppressor (Fir’awn) to make the oppression self-perpetuating. Thus, we have given this writing the subtitle: 15 Traits of “Fir’awnic Women”. To get a deeper understanding of how those women were used against their own people read the Qur’an as well as its commentary (tafsir), along with the classical books of history like at-Tabari.
We have listed some of the more prominent outward features of the "Fir'awnic Woman". This is the type of woman who has been created by a sinister process of socialization by the modern Fir'awn (Pharaoh). This process began with the kidnapping and forced servitude of men, women and children from the African continent. During the 400 + years of bondage and forced servitude in America the European slave master instituted a system on the slave Plantation which removed Islam from the slaves by punishing literacy with death or public torture. On the plantation, they also instituted a system which turned the woman against the man, young against the old, gave superiority to those of a lighter complexion, and forced them to renounce any and everything which connected them back to Islam or Africa.
In the beginning, these thing were acted upon by the slaves in order to ensure their survival. After slavery and several generations removed from knowledge of themselves, this destructive behavior became one which was self-inflicted. There was no longer a need to punish the former Africans with torture and death for non-compliance. The formerly enslaved Africans now perpetuated the above-mentioned destructive survival tactics upon themselves.
It is not within the scope of this naseehah to elaborate on the root causes of the aberrant behavior of the so-called African-American. It is, however, our intent to break the negative cycles which destroy us individually and as a people. If it is our intention to establish Islam in our families, communities and to have Islam continue among our progeny then it is obligatory for the men to choose wives who have rejected all aspects of the conditioning which has originated from the slave plantation.
We have been commanded to seek out righteous wives by the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) himself:
“Women are married for four (4) reasons:  For her wealth,  her noble lineage,  her beauty and  for her deen. Take the one with deen and you will be successful.” – This well-known hadith has been collected by both Imam al-Bukhari & Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him.
The women who have not set themselves upon the path of establishing Islam within themselves and have whole-heartedly embraced the position which Fir’awn has placed them in have been given the label “Fir’awnic Women”. Among the disbelievers, they have also been given the label of “Ratchet” (some have speculated that this slang is an aberration of the word “wretched”). These women have blameworthy outward traits and characteristics. It would be wise for the conscious Muslim brother to avoid marriage with these women and choose better soil to plant his seed. We have listed 15 of these traits. We strongly advise the brothers to not entertain marriage with sisters who have these traits. The more of these traits that a sister has, the more of a reason you have not to marry her. They are as follows:
 She wears a “Hairhat”. “Hairhat” is a term that has been coined by popular a YouTuber and blogger. A hairhat is a weave or a wig. Just like a hat which is worn as a protection, covering or a fashion accessory; because of the deep self-hatred black women have for themselves and their black features they cover their natural hair with hair taken from other humans who have straight hair like, Indians and Brazilians. This practice has become so prevalent that it has spurred a multi-billion dollar industry. Most of them will not come outside without their hairhats on. Some of these hairhats are so loud and outrageous that it makes one wonder what is on the mind of a woman who would wear such a thing. Many of these women have stolen, fought, killed, caused others do die, and died for their hairhats.
For a Muslim man looking for a Muslim wife this 1st sign of the Fir’awnic Woman may be difficult to detect because a practicing Muslimah will cover her hair with a khimaar. The man of insight – the one who will benefit from this writing – will look for signs of complicity with the mentality of the hairhat. She may have pictures on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter with old and not-so-old pictures of herself with her hairhat on, or all of her friends will be hairhat wearers!
This will be her state even though the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Allah has cursed (la’ana Allahu) the manufacturer and the wearer of wigs!” – This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Asmaa’ (may Allah be pleased with her) and collected by both Imam al-Bukhari and Muslim. Imam an-Nawawi has also mentioned this hadith in his Riyaadus-Saaliheen.
If you come across this woman perhaps you should not marry her. The hairhat is just a sign or symptom of a much deeper and systemic psychological sickness. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 Excessive Tattooing: The Ratchet/Fir’awnic Women get tattoos everywhere on their bodies: their faces, necks, backs, breasts, buttocks, legs, ankles and hands. Even some women who are Muslim get tattoos in spite of what the position of the Messenger of Allah (who they claim to follow):
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) has cursed the maker and user of the wig and the tattoo maker and the one who gets tattooed. – This hadith has been related by both Imam al-Bukhari and Muslim.
When you come across a woman with tattoos you should reconsider marriage to her. The tattoo is just a sign or symptom of a much deeper and systemic psychological sickness. Since tattoos are permanent, it is quite possible that the sister may have made tawbah (repentance to Allah) for getting tattooed. But remember tawbah also has signs and one of them is nadaamah which means regret! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She is Masculine: It is from these women that you may often hear the phrase “strong black woman” being used in reference to themselves. She displays attributes which are normally attributed to males. She is prone to excessive, unprovoked violence. She doesn't have patience with children. She is foul-mouthed. She does not feel compassion or mercy. She is able to have sex with multiple men without any emotional attachment to any of them. She dresses like a man. For many of them, their voices are even masculine. Some of these traits are so serious that we've given them a separate category here. The fact that the Fir'awnic Woman displays masculine traits is bad enough, but these are some of man's most lowly traits which most decent men are ashamed of. This type of women will not enter Paradise:
It has been narrated on the authority of Abdullahi Ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with them both (him and his father) who said the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace said, “Three (types of People) will not enter the Garden (al-jannah):  The one who is undutiful to his parents,  the cuckold (ad-dayyuuth),  and the masculine woman (rajulatun-nisaa’).” –This hadith has been related by al-Haakim.
May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She is Hyper Sexual: She has a very strong - yet rarely satisfied - sex drive. She needs to have intercourse at least three times the amount of her counterpart of 30 years ago. Most of them are in need of multiple sex partners at the same time. These are not like the women of yesterday who wanted you to "make love" to them, who wanted you to hold and cuddle them while telling them how much you love them. No, these women want you to "eff" them, "screw" them, "hit it" and then get out and go away. She will even have intercourse with a man that she hates. Most of them (Fir’awnic Women) have had sex with other women and some continue to have sex with both men and women even after taking shahaadah. If you can find one of these Fir'awnic Women and they have less than 4 partners with whom they are intimate at any given time then you have really accomplished something and she may even be considered “chaste” by today's standards.
This type of woman has been described in the following hadith:
It has been related on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said that the Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace said: “There are two types of people who will enter the Hell-fire, whom I have not (as yet) seen:  People having whips similar to the tails of cows with which they will beat people, and  women who will be dressed yet appear to be naked. They will seduce and be seduced. Their heads will be like the swaying humps of camels. They will neither enter paradise, nor smell its fragrance, even though its fragrance can be smelt from such and such distance.” – This hadith has been related by Imam Muslim in his Sahih.
Some of these things may turn you on, but you must remember that her desire for sexual intercourse is not solely for you – the one who she is supposed to love. It is sex for the sake of sex (or attention)! A woman like this almost always commits zina’ (fornication and adultery)! Stop thinking that becoming Muslim is a magic wand that will automatically erase all of the trauma and sicknesses of the past. Islam must be practiced wholeheartedly – in full – for it to be affective. This is why many Muslim women have many secret “friendships” with other men while they are married. How many Muslim women do we know of who already have their next husband lined up even before the present husband makes the 1st pronouncement of divorce? How could this be possible if she wasn’t romantically involved with someone other than her husband while married?
Even though this makes her look bad you must remember that this is not her fault. Almost without exception, all of the women who display this type of behavior have been raped or molested at a young age. At the very least, she was raised in an environment where this type of promiscuity was acceptable and praised. She is actually a victim who has been transformed into the victimizer. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She is “Dressed but Naked”: The Fir’awnic Woman dresses for the sole purpose of being sexually provocative. She does not dress to hide or protect her beauty from the eyes of strange men, nor does she dress to protect her body from the elements (harsh weather). She dresses with sex in mind. When one of these women is walking down the street, for example, she makes direct eye contact with you (the man) in order to ensure that you see “her goods”. The difference between her and her counterpart in the past is that her counterpart from the not-so-distant past would look away and pretend to not be paying any attention to the man who is looking at her. This modern-day Fir’awnic Woman has no time for pretenses!
Many of these Fir’awnic Women become Muslim and bring this blameworthy trait into Islam with them. This can manifest itself in many different ways. For example, many Muslim sisters wear the jilbaab (over-garment) as Allah has ordered in the Qur’an but they wear it tight enough for it to show the shape of their bodies which undermines the entire purpose for which she wears the jilbaab in the first place. Some Muslim sisters don’t cover at all. Some of the Fir’awnic Women from among the Muslims have even taken it a step further to organize and participate in so-called “Islamic Fashion Shows” where they model, market and sell so-called Islamic attire. Much of this attire is see-through, form-fitting and designed to draw attention which breaks every rule of hijaab. They have been foretold and described by the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) in the following hadith:
It has been related on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said that the Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace said: “There are two types of people who will enter the Hell-fire, whom I have not (as yet) seen:  People having whips similar to the tails of cows with which they will beat people, and  women who will be dressed yet appear to be naked. They will seduce and be seduced. Their heads will be like the swaying humps of camels. They will neither enter paradise, nor smell its fragrance, even though its fragrance can be smelt from such and such distance.” - (Sahih Muslim, no. 2128)
Do not marry a woman with this character trait because after you marry her she will still advertise her beautiful face and body to your Muslim brothers and the disbelievers! Does the thought of other men becoming sexually aroused by your wife not bother you? This woman will read this hadith and offer up a thousand and one excuses for her actions and may even become bold and arrogant and supply her own (made-up) sharh (commentary) for the hadith in order to justify her desire to show her body to strange men.
The Fir’awnic Women of the past used to become rectified upon embracing Islam by means of adhering to the Sunnah. But nowadays, there are so many evil scholars and preachers who make it permissible for a woman not to observe hijaab that she finds a license to be “dressed but naked” from so-called credible sources within Islam! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Bereft of the Motherly Instinct: She does not want to care for or nurture children. Children are a major source of annoyance and inconvenience for the Fir’awnic Woman. Children represent T.L.C. (T = Trophies, L = Leverage, and C = Cash Cows) for this woman – NOTHING ELSE! Once she gives birth to her child she wants to spend the least amount of time with him or her as possible. This is (one of the reasons) why the Daycare Center and Nursery School have become industries in our communities. When the child is a baby she dumps him off with her mother or some other baby-sitter so that she can party and run the streets. She hates breastfeeding. When the baby is old enough then she dumps him off at Daycare. As soon as the child is old enough for public school, she dumps him in there; and also enrolls him in any after-school and summer-school program that she can find just so she will not have to spend time with and be a mother to her child.
When this Fir’awnic Woman becomes Muslim and she hears about the importance of an Islamic education and the harm of the socialization which takes place in the environments we have just mentioned, she doesn’t submit to the truth; instead she presents a plethora of justifications and reasons why daycare and public schools are superior to homeschooling, Muslim schools or any other alternative. They would rather work – even if they don’t have to – rather than nurturing their own children. The problem with alternative education for these women is not the excuses they present but the fact that these alternatives require their participation! How can this evil cycle of self-perpetuating oppression and apathy be broken if the first teacher – the mother – doesn’t want to be bothered?
Before marrying a sister find out where her head is regarding this. If she already has children, you don’t have to ask, just observe! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Has Many Children with or without Marriage: This trait of hers may appear to contradict the previous trait, but it doesn’t. She has many children because they represent T.L.C. for her (T = Trophies, L = Leverage, and C = Cash Cows). She is able to have as many children as she wants and leverage them for financial stability without actually being a mother to the children who came into this world through her womb. Fir’awn has set up an entire support system for his woman. This support system enables her to have many children and use them against their fathers. Her children are primarily the byproduct of her hyper-sexuality. In this way she is able to have many children, be financially stable without working, or being dependant on a man for financial support. Relationships with men are not a requirement for having children for the Fir’awnic Woman. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Chooses Ridiculous Names for her Children: They bestow the most ridiculous and sometimes, comical names upon their children. The method used to choose these names varies from Fir’awnic woman to Fir’awnic Woman. Most of these names have no meaning at all. Some of them name their children after alcoholic beverages, automobiles, or even worse. Some examples of these crazy names are: Sha'Tanya, Dairee, Markita, Da'Asia, Imagesti, Destini, Jayshawn, etc. These are real names of real people. The mothers of these people don't speak any language other than English. We could have listed hundreds of crazy names concocted by these Fir'awnic Women, but we stopped out of fear of mentioning some of the ridiculous names of people who are personally known to us.
When these women come into Islam they bring this blameworthy trait right along with them. Names are not something to play with. Justice Maulana Muhammad Taqi Usmani (may Allah protect and preserve him) said:
“To choose a suitable name for a child has always been a matter of interest for a Muslim family. Whenever a child is born, his parents search for a good name for him. Islamic teachings have also encouraged the Muslims to select a meaningful and good name for their children. The Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) has changed the names of several persons, because they carried a bad sense.
“It is reported by ‘Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both), the well-known Sahabi, that one of his sisters was named ‘Asiyah which means 'disobedient'. The Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) changed her name to 'Jamilah' (beautiful).
“Many scientists today have admitted that the name of a person may influence his life, but the Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) has revealed this fact to his followers 1400 years ago when he advised the Muslims to select good names for their children.
“The names are also a source of identity of one's religion. Therefore, the Muslims have been naming their children after the Prophets, the Sahaabah (Companions of the Holy Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace)) and the pious persons of the Islamic history. Their names have thus been reflecting their Islamic identity.
“Unfortunately, this aspect of our lives is being neglected by many Muslims who do not bother to pay any attention to the meaning or any other association attached to their names. In their eagerness to follow the modern trends, they sometimes select a name for their children which is totally meaningless or carries a bad meaning or has an un-Islamic background.”
The Fir’awnic Women – even those who have become Muslim – are so bent on giving their children these weird, ridiculous, comical and obnoxious names that they strip the father of his God-given right to name his child; and Fir’awn has setup his system to enable and support this. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “It is the right (haqq) of the child upon the father that he should give him a good name; and when he becomes of age he should get him married; and he should teach him the Book (al-Qur’an).” – This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) and has been related by Abu Na’eem in his book Hilyatul-Awliyaa, ad-Daylami in his Musnad al-Firdaws and Kanz ul-‘Amaal.
The Fir’awnic Woman doesn’t care anything about the Hadith of the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) when it comes to naming her child. She is obsessed with making up her own names! Some of them even think that they are doing the father a favor by giving him a list of ridiculous names to choose from!
My dear brother in the path, this issue regarding the naming of our children – our inheritors – is serious! Before you marry any woman find out if she will submit to the Sunnah by not interfering when you name your child. If she has any children already examine their names and her reasons for choosing those names. If you have any doubts consider someone else because it will be too late once she becomes pregnant. The modern Pharaoh has vested her with complete authority in this area. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She is Extremely Violent: She is extremely violent and she will fight anyone: man, woman, adult, or child. Her temperament is explosive. She will not only fight but she is prone to maim and kill. YouTube is replete with examples of the violent Fir’awnic Woman. She has been dubbed “The Terminatrix” (female Terminator – from the popular movie) by a popular blogger and YouTuber. Just like the Terminator she will not stop, she feels no remorse, no compassion, nor can she be reasoned with. She will provoke a fight with a man twice her size, get knocked out or knocked down and get right back up ready to continue the fight. The girl who hit and spit on a bus driver in Cleveland is an excellent example of this. She is the cause of most violent confrontations in New Egypt (America). Much of her violence is connected to their Hairhats. When most boys or men fight each other it has been caused or provoked by the Fir’awnic Woman.
My brother, marriage to this type of woman could be deadly or at least extremely volatile. Upon examination of relationships with the Fir’awnic Woman you will find that in the course of a domestic argument she will begin to destroy the house, throw various household objects at the husband, break windows, destroy his car, etc… Don’t think that you can walk away from this woman in order to let cooler heads prevail. No! She will follow you into the street continuing her destruction, meanwhile alerting all of your neighbors to your violent domestic situation. Police are often called to a home such as this.
Many of these women will consider you a weak man if you do not fight her back and or physically subdue her. In fact, some of them are addicted to “make-up sex”. This is when she provokes an argument with you in order to enrage you. At the point when your extreme anger is apparent she will come on to you sexually. Her desire is for you to take out your anger on her during intercourse. She wants you to “beat it up”. In other words, she wants to be violently raped/not-raped.
Some of what we have said may even turn you on if you are that type of brother. But you must keep in mind that you are involved in tajdeed (Islamic Revival) which requires that we break the negative cycles which shackle us to Fir’awn in servitude. You do not want your seed, your legacy – your children – growing up in a home where violence between the two primary role-models is the norm.
My brother, if you detect that she has this violent trait, avoid her! Do not even continue to entertain the idea of marriage with this woman; because one of the main triggers of her anger and violence is rejection (or perceived rejection). May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Craves Attention: The Fir’awnic Woman craves attention and will do anything to get it. This is one of the underlying reasons why she dresses the way she does, why she wears the craziest looking hairhats (weaves and wigs), why she is “loud” with her sexuality, and why she is the loudest voice in a crowd. Women like this will post naked or near-naked pictures of themselves on social media like Facebook just to get “likes” i.e. attention.
My brother, you do not want to marry a woman with this trait. It is well-known in Islam that seeking attention or “wanting to be seen of people” is a sin and erases any reward that may be connected to that action. It is called riyaa’. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She has a “Them vs. Us” Mentality: The woman who has fallen victim to Fir’awn’s brainwashing sees her man or husband as her enemy. When you marry this woman she doesn’t see you as her partner. In fact, she looks at you as her enemy on the “battlefield of love and relationships” and she is determined to conquer you. A Muslim woman who is afflicted with this disease will often be heard using phrases such as, “yall brothers…”, “men are dogs”, “men ain’t sh__!”, “I don’t need a man!”, “men are only good for…”, etc…They consider all men the same. This is why most of them turn violent or vindictive if you divorce or breakup with them. This is because they interpret this “rejection” as a loss on the battlefield. She will not consider you as her best friend; she has other “sistas” for that. In fact, her female companions will know things about her that you will never know and they will know intimate things about you! This is because they are her real friends, not you! You are the enemy!
Regardless of how well you treat her she will never trust you! Again, like most of what we have mentioned, these blameworthy traits were not with her at birth. She is the victim of an evil socialization process and this mistrust that she has towards all men (including you) was most likely reinforced by her mother and a traumatic violation of that trust by some foul men in her family who were supposed to protect her. You are paying the price for their evil! You can’t build with her. She will turn your children against you. You can’t revive the deen in the community if you are fighting a war at home! Move on and find someone other than the sister who has this character trait. May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She has a Toilet Mouth: This woman curses and uses the most foul and abusive language so much so that she can teach a sailor a thing or two about cursing! The Fir’awnic Woman will use her tongue to tear you down in public and private. This is not “lady-like”! It is the attribute of a brute. Your children will grow up hearing her foul mouth being used against them and you; and therefore not respect you. If you are not in control of your nafs, Shaytan may even inspire you to punch her in her face or worse! Don’t underestimate the tongue of any woman, especially the Fir’awnic Woman!
You don’t want a woman with this type of mouth! Women with this evil trait are described by the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) as women belonging to the Hell-Fire:
It has been narrated on the authority of Abu Sa`eed al-Khudree (may Allah be pleased with him) that “Once the Messenger of Allah went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) of `Eid al-Adha or al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, "O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women)." They asked, "Why is it so, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands.”
Furthermore, this is one of the characteristics of the munaafiqeen (the hypocrites):
Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with both of them) relates that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace said) “Whoever has the following four (characteristics) will be a pure hypocrite (munaafiqan khaalisan) and whoever has one of the following four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy (khaslatun min an-nifaaq) unless and until he gives it up.  When he is entrusted he betrays (khaana);  when he speaks he lies (kadhaba);  when he makes a covenant he proves treacherous (ghadara);  and when he quarrels he behaves in a very imprudent, evil and insulting manner (fajara). (Agreed upon (Bukhari and Muslim)).
May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Doesn’t Respect Authority: The woman with this trait will not respect your authority in the family. She thinks that obedience to you, her husband, is backwards and belittles her. With her, you can quote all of the Qur’an and hadith that you want – it doesn’t matter! She may even tell you that her obedience to you is contingent upon how much money you make or if you pay the bills or not. She doesn’t understand that Allah has made you the amir (leader) of the family; and this role/responsibility was not granted to you because you deserve it: On the contrary, it was given to you because that is your station whether you deserve it or not. It is the natural order of things. All of this is indicated in the well-known verse of Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Obey (atee'uu) Allah, and obey (atee'uu) the Messenger and those in authority among you (uul al-amri minkum). If you should disagree, about anything, refer it to Allah, and the Messenger, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day; that is better, for you and more excellent in interpretation.” - Qur'an: Surah an-Nisaa' (4), Ayat 59.
Shaykh Abdullahi Dan Fodiyo (may Allah have Mercy upon him) has stated in his commentary regarding the meaning of “those in authority among you (uul al-amri minkum)” that, “Included in this meaning is the authority which the husband has over the wife.”
Furthermore, it has been narrated on the authority (Abdullahi) ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with both of them (him and his father) who said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah saying, “Each and every one of you is a shepherd (guardian) and is responsible for his flock (i.e. those under his authority): The Imam (or ruler) is a shepherd and responsible for his flock. The man is a shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. The woman is a shepherd in the house of her husband and is responsible for her flock. The servant (al-khaadim) is a shepherd of his master’s property and is responsible for his flock.” I think he also said, “And a man is a shepherd of the property of his father.”” – This hadith has been collected by both Imam al-Bukhari and Muslim.
If you are talking to a Muslim woman regarding marriage and she cringes or objects when you mentioned what we have just stated above, consider moving on. In this society, she has no reason or incentive to obey you! If she submits to your authority it is because she fears Allah! Remember we are breaking cycles – negative, destructive, systemic cycles! THIS IS TAJDEED (REVIVAL OF THE DEEN)! And this tajdeed begins at home! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She was Raised by a Fir’awnic Woman: You must examine your perspective wife’s upbringing. Try to meet her parents or whoever was responsible for raising her. Does her mother exhibit most of these blameworthy traits that we have mentioned here? Was there an absence of a father, step-father or some male figure in her life as a child? If so, this is a strong indication that your soon-to-be wife is also a Fir’awnic Woman. Psychology has proven what the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) has already told us:
“Every child is born upon the fitrah (natural state). It is his parents who cause him to be a Jew, Christian or Fire-Worshipper. Do you ever see an animal born mutilated?” – This hadith has been related Imam Malik in his al-Muwatta’, al-Bukhari, Muslim and others.
One of the many lessons this hadith teaches us is that the parents are the causative factor which determines the outcome or the way the child will be when they grow up. YES, THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS! BUT THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE – EXCEPTIONS – NOT THE RULE! Think long and hard before marrying her! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
 She Uses or has a History of Excessive Drug use: Islam is quite clear and explicit regarding the harm and prohibition of drinking alcohol or using any type of intoxicating substance. We usually concentrate on helping our people overcome the addiction associated with drug use. However, we pay no attention to the damage done to the intellect of the drug user. In Islam it is called khamr for a reason. Khamr shares the same root as the word khimaar which our sisters use to cover their hair and breasts. In the same way that the khimaar covers and blocks (people from seeing) the head and hair; khamr blocks the mind and intellect!
The Divine Guidance or Divine Law, known as Shari’ah has been revealed to preserve six things. These things are commonly referred to as the 6 universals or 6 necessities. They are  Deen (religion),  Nafs (life or soul),  ‘Aql (intellect),  Nasab (lineage),  Maal (wealth) and  ‘Ird (honor & respect). The most important of the six is religion (Deen) because the preservation of the others is only a means of preserving it. Every law or rule in Islam has been revealed to preserve these universals.
The prohibition of unjustified murder is a preservation of life. The prohibition of the intake of intoxicants is a preservation of intellect. The prohibition of adultery and fornication is a preservation of lineage. The prohibition of backbiting and slander is a preservation of honor. And the prohibition of theft, cheating and gambling is a preservation of wealth.
Her impaired intellect may prevent her from understanding the simplest of things regarding the deen, and may hinder her from educating your children. Move with caution! May Allah remove this and other blameworthy traits from our women and make them like the mother of Musa.
Even though I have composed this with one or two brothers in mind, I have tried to write this in such a way that it would be beneficial to any serious Muslim brother who reads this. I say “serious Muslim brother” because this has not been written for the Fir’awnic Man. The Fir’awnic Man is the type of brother who is afflicted with a type of psychosis which renders him harmful to any woman as well as the community to which he belongs. He has his own set of blameworthy characteristics.
I am tempted to write a companion piece to this one as an advice for the enlightened Muslim sister (non-Fir’awnic Woman) who wants to find a righteous Muslim husband. However, at this juncture, I feel that more justice would be done if it came from a sister. I believe us brothers need a reality check from one of “our sistas” who love us, is down for us, wants the best for us but will not bite her tongue while advising us from the Book and the Sunnah!
I am also aware that some people may read this advice and take it as an attack on Black Women. Some may read this and even come to the conclusion that I hate Black Women! I expect this and even worse criticism! Those who know me personally also know the truth or falsehood of any names or accusations which may be leveled at me.
I pray that our brothers who are serious about practicing Islam make the most out of what has been mentioned and use it to start Islamic families which will be pillars of change in our community. Please remember me, my family and Jamaa’ah in your du’a!